


Arachnids Against Apotheosis

by Snomnom



Category: Black Friday - Team StarKid, The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals - Team StarKid
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/F, F/M, Gen, cause these dorks deserve one, cause why not, i make my own cosmic spider oc, no beta we die like men, puke is mentioned, so is spiders being shoved down throats, the lesbians deserve happiness ok, theyre basically webby but more involved due to deals or somesuch, this is mostly an excuse for me to give myself a happy ending, unbury your local lesbians today, warning for some.....gross things
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-09
Updated: 2020-04-28
Packaged: 2021-02-28 16:42:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23080375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Snomnom/pseuds/Snomnom
Summary: A spider-thing gives Alice a chance to tell some musical aliens to shove their songs up their non-existent blue asses.AU where a creature of Webby's species from the Black And White gets involved in the plot of TGWDLM. Comments and Kudos are appreciated! (And encouraged, cause I crave validation, but that's neither here nor there)
Relationships: Alice & Bill (The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals), Alice/Deb (The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals), Bill & Paul Matthews, Hannah Foster & Lex Foster, Lex Foster/Ethan Green
Comments: 11
Kudos: 51





	1. Show-Stopper

**Author's Note:**

> Bold text means the person is singing, and any speech that can only be heard by someone with a Black and White connection (like the speech of the Spiders) will be italicized.
> 
> Things can also be italicized for emphasis, though, so its not exclusive.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *casually adds a cosmic spider into Alice's body as a prank on the aliens*
> 
> Anyway, Alice gets a protector and swing dances her girlfriend out of infection.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am now hyperfixating on TGWDLM but also I am not good with sad endings so I'm coping by throwing in a magic spider and seeing how it goes. Enjoy!

Alice was huddled in the choir room, the light from her phone up against her face as she got off the call with her dad, tear streaks staining her face. Those....things were still banging on the door, singing eerily. 

"C'mon babe, I won't hurt you!" Sing-songed Deb, or more accurately, Deb's puppeted infected corpse. Alice nearly puked just thinking about it. Seeing her be tackled by Grace Chastity (nerdy fuckin' prude) and get that blue shit projectile vomited into her mouth, seeing the light go out in her eyes, replaced by an azure emptiness and a creepy smile and surprisingly good choreography.....

Alice shuddered, flinching with every blow to the door. The makeshift barricade wouldn't last forever. Maybe she could take a few down with her....

Suddenly, she felt something. Something new. Like her spirit was physically yanked out of her body, floating in some sort of void. She faintly heard her own body slump over and land against the floor as her soul went into a seemingly monochrome place.

Monochrome except for the glowing orange webs.

"What the fuck....?" She asked, to no one in particular, before a giant orange spider....thing skittered over. Alice said "thing" because while it looked like a giant orange spider, it seemed to be....ethereal. Wispy. It's eyes sparkled like a night sky.

 _"Rude. Who taught you your manners, Alice?"_ The Spider Thing, which apparently knew her GODDAMN NAME, responded. _"No way to talk to your arachnid savior."_

"Savior? What the shit are you on about?" Alice asked, voice quivering because _what the FUCK._

The Spider Thing tsked gently.

 _"I'm here to help with your musical issue."_ It said, sounding amused, _"Though I must say, I actually quite enjoy showtunes."_

Alice floated backwards a little.

"Wh-what? Where...?"

 _"Are you? I call it the Black and White. Think of it as a sort of spirit world."_ The Spider Thing said, the reverb in its voice sounding like a chuckle. _"And I must say, this Hive has made a real mess of things. Everyone's soul is so blue and....gooey. Though they do have impressive pitch."_

"Are you just going to compliment their fucking dance numbers, you arachnoid asshole?" Alice shot back, fist clenched. "Those things fucking killed my girlfriend!"

_"Ah, but that's actually what I came to talk about. Alice, I can reverse what happened to your girlfriend. It's risky, and failure means this plague will spread to the Black And White, so Webby said not to try this. But also, I decided I like you people enough to try anyway. If you're willing, of course."_

The Spider-Thing's eyes sparkled with a guile sort of look.

_"Though to be fair, this might sound sketchy."_

"If....if you promise you can save Deb, and my dad, and everyone....I'll do it." Alice said after taking a deep breath.

The Spider-Thing made a happy sort of clicking noise in response.

_"WONDERFUL! Now, in order to do this, I need prolonged contact with the recently infected in order to untangle and purify their soul-webbing. All without them puking in our mouth."_

"Our mouth....?" Alice asked, uneasy.

The Spider-Thing looked a bit sheepish.

_"Ah, yes. I will....need your body for this. And as counterintuitive as it sounds, I need to dance with Deb. It is the only way I can think of to keep the Hive occupied while I undo what they've done. They do have a weakness for theatrics, after all."_

"N-no! You're not using my body as some sort of meat puppet! You might just snatch it like the Hive did to the others!" Alice yelled, pointing an accusatory finger at Spider-Thing.

Spider just tsked.

 _"You don't exactly have much choice, Alice. They're gonna break in soon. Just....let me help."_ The Spider said, looking serious for once, _"Please. Just trust me."_

Alice floated toward the Spider nervously. It was right, she didn't exactly have much of a choice at this point. Better to take the one thing with a small chance of success over definite death.

"I...I accept."

She shook one of the Spider's legs, making it beam in delight.

_"Ah, thank you! Now, you may feel some minor discomfort...."_

Before Alice could ask what that even meant, the sensation of string stabbing into her limbs sent fire throughout her body, causing her to cry in pain.

_"Shhh....it's okay. If it helps any, I'm really sorry about this part."_

Soon, Alice found it harder and harder to breathe as she felt spiders crawling into her mouth, swarming.....

And then she woke up. Sort of.

She could see her body, she could see everything, but her eyes had an orange tint.

A voice that was her own, and yet wasn't, spoke up.

"It worked!" Spider-Alice said, looking over their own hands. "Now, for the tricky part...."

"Hey, Deb!" Alice heard herself call, "I'm ready for our duet!"

The thing that used to be Deb finally broke down the choir room door, and....wow. Deb's mouth dripped with that Blue Shit from earlier, her eyes a blazing azure. She smiled wide and creepily, looking straight-up Stepford.

But the worst thing was that wrapped around her were blue, dripping, gooey threads. The entangled her in a way that seemed sickening and violating. They looked WRONG, unnatural. Looking at them made Alice feel like her spiritual essence was going to vomit.

 _"Deb...."_ Alice said hopelessly, the only one to hear her being Spider-Thing.

"I'll get her back. Trust me." Spider-Alice whispered under their breath at the voice in their head.

"Ah, finally ready for apotheosis, hun?" Deb remarked, flashing her blue-stained teeth in a way a wild animal would bare it's fangs, "We've been dying to have you join our little ensemble. We even gave you a solo!"

Spider-Alice extended a hand.

"My good Deborah, before I become one with the Hive, I must ask....may I have this dance?" Spider-Alice said, fluttering their eyelashes. "A sort of curtain call for us, if you'll pardon the expression."

Deb took it, with the other infecteds leaving the area, letting the two have their "duet." One closed the door and gave Deb the key, ensuring Alice wouldn't escape.

"Of course, my dear. Let us give them a performance they'll never forget." Deb said, gazing into Alice's eyes. If Deb wasn't possessed by a creepy musical alien, Alice would have melted then and there.

Spider-Alice's eyes sparked an imperceptible orange, as Inner Alice saw orange thread-like tendrils extend into Deb, entangling and changing the blue ones to match themselves.

Deb spun Spider-Alice around, before beginning to waltz.

 **"A show-stopping number! A real show-stopper! A show-stopping number, c'mon...."** They sang, singing the glitz and glam ballad that Alice assumed this was as a soft and slow romantic one instead, doing a mix between a swing dance and a waltz.

 _"Where did you hear this?"_ Alice asked internally.

"Some weird biology professor I listened in on once or twice." Spider-Thing responded, before refocusing on Deb.

A part of Alice was entranced by this dance number, she had to admit. And, while she knew it wasn't really Deb, she couldn't help but get butterflies in her stomach when Deb kissed her neck or dipped her for a (likely puke-followed and thus avoided) kiss, before Spider-Alice took the lead again.

The tendrils continued to snake around Deb, cleaning her own "soul-web" slowly. It began to show, with Deb starting to stumble more as she danced, missing steps. She began to lose her perfect pitch. Her voice cracked as the theatrical body-snatcher's eyes went wide with fear, confronted for the first time with imperfection, with their absolute control slipping.

"W-wait, what's...?" The alien wearing Deb's skin asked, realizing too late what was happening, "Y-you! What did you do?!"

Spider-Alice grinned, their eyes blazing orange now, the threads constricting around the rapidly shrinking blue bits of Deb's soul.

 **"Fill up your tumbler, got a show-stopping number for you...."** Spider-Alice sang mockingly, before the grin widened as the orange threads tightened and squeezed hard, squishing the blue goopy shit entangling Deb's soul.

The blue in Deb's eyes flickered and went out, the girl passing out in Alice's arms, much to her relief.

 _"DEB!"_ Alice said mentally, feeling a deluge of conflicting emotions all at once, from relief to absolute fear, _"Is...is she okay?"_

Spider-Alice nodded. 

"Luckily, she was infected recently, so I was able to do this. Still, I probably won't be able to repeat the trick, given that the Hive knows by now what I'm doing." They said, shrugging, laying Deb down against a wall as the cured girl took in shallow breaths. "Anyway, I still consider this a success! At least until the Hive finds out and comes to get us, but one thing at a-"

Next thing Alice knew, the door was kicked off it's hinges, her father and Uncle Paul running in, Bill holding a shotgun. They were wearing clothes stained blue and torn and dirty, but they were here and alive.

"Alice! I'm here! Oh, I'm so glad you're not infected!"

Alice wanted to reach out and hug him, bury her face in his chest and know things would be alright. She didn't move.

She began realizing that Spider-Thing hadn't left yet.

Spider-Alice laughed nervously.

"Um....well....I gotta tell you something, but you need to promise not to be mad, okay? See, I'm....not exactly Alice at the moment."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *has no idea what song Deb and Alice should sing and can't write lyrics for shit*
> 
> "uh fuck it lets throw show stopping number in there"


	2. Going M.I.A. (Musical In Action)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A family reunion gets rudely interrupted by the Choir Of Extraterrestrial Assholes.
> 
> Then, the gang meets a young girl, a delinquent, and a girl who insists her mom is a bitch. Through music.
> 
> Welcome to hell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To Hannah Foster: I'm sorry in advance.

Spider-Alice quickly raised their hands nervously.

"W-wait! Before you get any ideas, I'm not part of the musical zombie things!" They said, sweating, "I'm something else! ....we're something else? Pronouns get confusing."

Bill stepped back, dropping the gun in shock.

"W-what?" He stammered, "What the hell are you?! If you killed Alice and took her skin or some fucked up shit, I swear I'll-"

Spider-Alice grimaced.

"Dude, fucking gross! Billyboy, I'm not here to do anything disgusting like that! In fact, I just rescued your daughter from impending infection _and_ saved her precious girlfriend!" They said, grinning smugly, "You're welcome!"

Bill's eyes widened.

"W-wait, you can cure people?!"

"Yeah, but only the recently infected. At a point, the infection progresses to the point where the soul is literally non-recoverable. I say it takes different times depending on the victim's willpower, but maximum is likely....3 hours? Maybe 3 days? And that's being VERY generous." Spider-Alice summarized, looking thoughtful.

Bill looked a bit put out by this.

"Hm. Well, it sucks that it's limited, but the fact that this thing can be cured is amazing! I...I don't know how to thank you for helping my daughter."

Spider-Alice nudged Bill, smiling.

"Well, don't worry about it. I've taken an interest anyhow. Also, the Hive fucking suck, so pissing them off is always a plus." They said, cackling.

Bill just looked at Paul, who shrugged, clearly just sort of rolling with it all at this point. Considering they just had to fight off musical zombie high-schoolers, this was likely a good position to take. So, Bill did just that, and decided to stop giving as much of a fuck about how weird this was.

Spider-Alice shrugged.

"Anyway, I'll hand Alice the driver's seat now. She's excited to see you! Though....maybe don't take her to Mamma Mia. It might just bring up trauma at this point."

Spider-Alice blinked, eyes changing from orange to brown as she fell over, leaning against a wall and clutching her head.

"Unnn....I feel like shit." She groaned, exhaling a deep breath.

 _"My bad."_ Spider-Thing commented into Alice's head, _"Post-possession exhaustion. It'll get easier, don't worry."_

Alice didn't have time to think on this for long, as her father soon wrapped her in a big hug, sobbing profusely.

"I...I thought I lost you, Alice..." He said, weeping openly as Paul just sort of stood there, awkwardly picking up the shotgun.

Alice smiled wearily.

"I'm okay, Dad. It's all okay."

Suddenly, Deb began groaning, her eyes sliding open.

"Wha....I...shit, last thing I remember was Grace Chastity jumping me, and then...." She mumbled, standing up and wobbling as she tried to get her bearings, before kneeling over and puking out what little remained of the Blue Shit, which was now seemingly inert.

She shivered, dry heaving.

"I am never watching a fucking musical again...."

"DEB!" Alice said excitedly, breaking off of her dad and running over, hugging her girlfriend tight. "You're alive!"

She pressed a kiss onto Deb's lips excitedly as the punk girl stood there, dazed.

"I...I guess so. Wait, while I was controlled....did I hurt you?" She asked, looking panic-stricken at the thought of laying hands on Alice cause of some freakshow blue goop that has a hard-on for Broadway.

Alice chuckled, gently stroking Deb's cheek to reassure her.

"You never got the chance, babe. Me and some weird space spider beat the parasite infesting you with a homoerotic dance number."

".....what the fuck?"

Alice just giggled, happy to be alive.

"I'll explain later."

Paul nudged the two lovebirds.

"Uh, I don't want to break up the reunion, but I think we have company..." He said, fidgeting nervously.

Sure enough, Alice could hear humming in the distance, as well as rhythmic snapping. Like the Grease production number from Hell.

 **"La-dee-daa-daa-day....~"** They sang, clearly realizing that Deb was out of their grip and their little love duet just bombed in the worst way.

"We should go. Now." Alice said, gripping Deb's shoulders.

Bill nodded, slinging the shotgun over his shoulder as the four of them decided to book it, the adults guiding them as they fled from the musical marauders.

\-----------------------------

"Are they gone....?" Deb asked Paul, who was looking out from a trash can in the alley the four of them had hid in, at the urging of Spider-Thing. Honestly, Alice had to admit that it was very useful to have in an apocalypse, but she hoped it wouldn't stick around for the rest of her life. She didn't want it to watch her shit or something like that.

Back on track, Bill was fretting over Alice more than usual, which was frustrating, but admittedly understandable, given that she just nearly died.

"Dad, please. I'm fine. I'm the one with the magic space spider in my brain, remember?"

"Yes, but you're not invincible. That space spider won't protect you from getting infected goo ejected into your mouth."

Deb nearly retched.

"Sir, please never word anything that way again." She pleaded, Alice nodding in agreement.

Paul looked a little sickened himself.

"They have a point, Bill."

"What? I just said-"

Suddenly, Bill went silent. Music began playing.

 _"Wait. Waitwaitwaitwait....I know that aura."_ Spider-Thing whispered to Alice, _"I think I feel Webby's charge around here. But....then that means...."_

 **"MY MOM'S A BITCH!"** Roared a punk teen girl in perfect rhythm, jamming out to air guitar in front of a horrified delinquent-looking boy who was hugging a little girl wearing a baseball cap, looking terrified. Somehow, the strumming made actual guitar noises, but it didn't take away from the absolute horror of the situation one bit.

"Lex...please, you're scaring Hannah...." The boy pleaded, backing away from the advancing musical infectee.

"N-not Lexi....bad songs...." The girl, presumably Hannah, murmured, huddling close to the boy.

 **"AN ALCOHOLIC! A MELANCHOLIC, THAT WE KEEP AFLOAT!"** Lex continued to yell, backing the boy into their alley.

Oh fuck, they're going into _their_ alley.

On closer inspection, Lex's mouth was dripping blue goop, and their neck cracked awkwardly, as if someone had snapped it. Her bright blue eyes practically glowed, and specks of blue fluid stained her outfit and hands. She was as infected as they came, and looked like she just wrestled a water balloon full of blue paint. Then decided to use her mouth.

Hannah continued to whimper, clutching onto the boy's jacket as he covered her protectively, the two trying to gain distance from the crazed Lex.

 **"IT'S TIME TO FLIP THE SWITCH! WHEN THE PROBLEM'S CHRONIC! NOT BEING HYPERBOLIC, BUT IT'S TIME TO GHOST!"** Lex continued, keeping them backed up into a corner, until the boy and Hannah were stuck with their backs against the wall, Lex still advancing.

"Lex, please!" The boy pleaded, tears in his eyes. His voice cracked, but whether it was from terror or anguish, Alice couldn't tell.

 **"And when the sun shines down upon me-"** Lex harmonized, stalking forward. Hannah began to wail.

Deb then got out of the trash can.

"HEY, ASSHOLE!" She screamed, holding a trashcan lid up in both hands.

Lex got just enough time to turn around and have her piercing blue eyes widen in horror as the metal lid was slammed down hard on her head, sending her falling to the ground in a crumpled heap. She laid down, unconscious, her head resting in a puddle of blue blood.

Blue goop stained the metallic disc, Deb breathing deep as she took in what she'd done.

The boy looked panicked, grabbing the closest object (an empty coke bottle) and brandishing it like a sword.

"D-don't hurt her!"

Alice limped out of the trashcan, looking panicked.

"What the fuck, Deb?!"

"I panicked, okay! Besides, I don't think she's technically alive anyway, unless you do that weird spider thing."

At the mention of the "spider thing", the girl perked up.

"....Webby?"

A shimmering ethereal orange spider was perched on her shoulder.

"I am here, my...oh."

Spider-Thing materialized, perched onto Alice's head.

They waved nervously.

".....hey. So, funny story...."

Webby narrowed her eyes.

"Oh, it better be."


	3. Join Us (And Try Not To Die)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two spiders talk shit and the gang ties up an unconscious teenager to extract her goo.
> 
> This is basically routine at this point.

_"ARE YOU CRAZY?!"_ Webby skittered at Spider-Thing, _"YOU COULD'VE GOTTEN INFECTED!"_

Spider-Thing hummed satisfactorily. _"Buuuuuut, I didn't!"_

Webby just groaned.

_"Alright, alright. I guess it worked out, but don't pull stupid crap like that again!"_

Meanwhile, oblivious to this, Deb tilted her head at the boy.

"Wait....Ethan? From shop class? And Hannah Foster?" She asked, incredulously, "Holy shit, you made it!"

Ethan motioned to Hannah pointedly, causing Deb to sheepishly apologize.

"Sorry....but wait, if you two are Ethan and Hannah, then this is...."

Deb looked down, recoiling a little out of instinct.

"Oh god, I just killed Lex Foster, huh? That.....is probably gonna be traumatic for you guys." Deb admitted, seeming unsure of what to say.

Alice shot Deb a silent "oh, REALLY?" look.

Ethan just sighed.

"No, that....that thing wasn't Lex anymore. Not after Nathan ran in and snapped her neck before puking into her mouth...." Ethan recounted, tensing up at the recall. "It...it was horrifying. Thanks for at least giving her some rest."

"Were you followed by any others?" Paul asked the teen, eyes flitting around nervously.

"No....I don't think so." Ethan said, slumping back and putting his head in his hands.

"I just....I need a minute." He moaned, understandably upset about the whole thing.

"Can we get that minute at a time where murderous musical zombies won't come after us?" Paul asked.

Ethan blinked, before the weight of what Paul said hit him like a freight train.

"Y-yeah, sure. C'mon, Banana." He said, holding Hannah's hand gently.

Webby made a low clicking noise.

Hannah stopped. "Wait!" She said, "Webby says we need to take Not-Lexi!"

Spider-Thing looked over at Webby.

 _"What happened to 'don't put yourself at risk'?"_ They said, tilting their head amusedly.

 _"Shut up, I have an actual idea of what I'm doing. Plus, I'm still safe in the Black and White, while you're hitched to this kid's soul."_ Webby retorted. _"Now, get someone to tie her up."_

Ethan balked.

"We.....Banana, she's gone."

Deb coughed, shouldering the stained trashcan lid.

"I happen to be living proof that it's reversible, so...."

Hannah nodded.

"Webby and their friend gonna get Lexi back! Go to Professor!"

Spider-Thing clicked mockingly.

 _"Awww, I'm your friend?"_ They said, fluttering their eyes at Webby and snickering.

 _"Can it."_ Webby said, groaning, _"Let's just fix this shit."_

Ethan looked shocked.

"She....she was cured? We can fix this?" He said, hope creeping into his voice for presumably the first time in a while.

Hannah nodded.

"Trust me."

Ethan's face softened, giving a smile and mussing up Hannah's hair.

"Alright, Banana. Let's go."

Hannah somehow pulled out a length of rope from....somewhere? Alice didn't know where, to be honest.

Spider-Thing's eyes widened in amazement.

 _"Woah, she can-"_ They said, impressed.

 _"Yeah, yeah. Just get the others to help us tie her up."_ Webby responded.

Alice went over, motioning the others to help, and soon they had Lex Foster tightly bound, with a gag placed for good measure, and had her be awkwardly carried by Paul and Bill, with the kids playing catch-up as they trailed behind.

\-------------------

"And then, to add insult to injury, infected Deb danced with Oliver! Hell, they almost made out!" Alice ranted.

Deb shivered.

"Can't believe an alien hivemind almost straightwashed me." She said with mock horror, "Truly, a nightmarish apocalypse."

Ethan shrugged.

"Well, Lex did hit on me while she was infected, but I decided not to make out with her on account of the blue....gunk. Also because she had just ripped someone's intestine out with her teeth. Kind of a turn-off, really."

Deb's eyes widened.

"And I thought _we_ had it bad..." 

_"Everything's relative."_ Remarked Spider-Thing casually. 

"Wait, actually, did I kill anyone while I was infected? I mean, I don't think I did...." Deb mused, chewing on her fingernail.

"Oh, look! I think we're here. Let's never talk about that again!" Alice interjected, urgently attempting to shift the conversation away from murder, patting Deb's back to assuage her guilt. 

Paul knocked on the door.

"Hey, Professor Hidgens? We got you a.....present."

Through her cloth gag, Lex could be heard agressively humming.

"Oh, shut up, you." Deb said, bashing her unconscious with the trashcan lid again. "Third time this trip...."

Ethan winced at the impact.

"Ugh, never gets easier to watch...."

Hannah held Ethan's hand tight.

"Oh, also, we found out how to cure the infe-"

Hidgens slammed the door open.

_"YOU WHAT?!"_

Hidgens then pulled out a fucking gun, causing everyone to panic.

"WHERE THE HELL DID YOU GET THA-" 

_"SING THE OPENING TO MOANA!"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, so I'm fudging the timeline a bit, Show Stopping Number hasn't happened yet, and the progression to it potentially showing up will be....different. Also, enjoy Teen Gang Time!


	4. Consider the Coconut

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I LIIIIIIIVE.
> 
> Anyway, the Gang meets Professor Hidgens, butchers a modern Disney classic, and Not-Lex almost gets vivisected.

"W-what?" Ethan blurted out, taken off guard.

The gun cocked dramatically.

"I SAID SING, GODDAMNIT!" Hidgens insisted, aiming the boomstick straight at Ethan's face as Not-Lex began muffled singing behind her gag, unable to resist a musical cue.

Then, the gaggle of teens and the two adults descended into what could be possibly considered singing. If you REALLY stretched the term.

It sounded awful. Bill started to sing the Lion King halfway through, Paul trailed off into incoherent mumbling, Alice was the only one who could carry a tune but kept stumbling due to the interference of literally everyone else, Deb descended into a coughing fit when she tried, Ethan clearly was just vaguely making sounds, and Hannah was as off-key as humanly possible.

Spider-Thing looked over to Webby.

 _"Hey, so maybe the shotgun to the face is better than this."_ It quipped, looking tired, _"Honestly, if I had ears, they'd be bleeding."_

Finally, they finished, or more accurately, trailed off, Bill's recitation of nonsense words that you could barely identify as the Lion King opening if you did the equivalent of an auditory squint fading out.

Hidgens lowered his gun.

"My god....that was the absolute worst thing I've ever heard in my entire life. You're really not infected-"

Suddenly, Not-Lex wriggled out of her gag, to everyone's dawning horror.

"LEX, NO!" Ethan pleaded, as Not-Lex took a breath in.

 **"CONSIDER THE COCONUT! CONSIDER THE TREEEEEEEES!~"** She sung pitch perfectly, sounding like she came right off of Broadway itself.

Hidgens brought his gun back up.

"STAND BACK, I'LL DEAL WITH HER!" He said, as Paul jumped in front of him.

"W-wait, we can explain!" He pleaded as Ethan shoved the scarf gag back onto Not-Lex's mouth, double knotting it for good measure.

"Explain why you have a parasitic performer puppeteer?!" Hidgens alliterated angrily, "Step aside so I can finish her!"

"WE HAVE A CURE!" Alice blurted out, causing Hidgens to stop.

"You have five seconds to explain, or I'm going to blast her blue brains onto my lawn." Hidgens said menacingly.

Alice sighed.

"So a magic alien spider took my body and helped purge the infection from Deb's soul." She said, as Hidgens looked incredulously.

"..... _what?_ " Hidgens asked, completely off guard, before Spider-Thing sighed.

 _"Let me handle this."_ Spider-Thing said, cracking their spidery limbs like one would crack their knuckles, before both their and Hidgens's eyes glowed orange.

After about a minute, Hidgens blinked rapidly as his eyes returned to normal, shaken. He dropped the shotgun in shock, which mercifully didn't go off.

"....come inside. We have much to discuss." He said, quickly scooping up the gun and scurrying in, "And I need a stiff drink..."

Alice looked over at Spider-Thing, who was perched on her shoulder, as she and the rest of the group hurried inside.

"What did you do, Spider Thing?" She asked them, curious.

Spider-Thing shrugged.

 _"Same thing I did to you. Established a psychic connection and showed him the Soul Web. Works like a charm."_ Spider-Thing responded casually, giving a satisfied click.

 _"Also, are we really going with Spider-Thing? I mean, it's apt, but I'd like a name....oooh, how about Joey?!"_ The spider being suggested, looking thoughtful, _"It has a nice ring to it...."_

Alice put a hand to her chin.

"Alright then. I was thinking maybe....Spindle? You know, leaning into the whole being a spider thing?" She added, shrugging.

Spider-Thing chirped.

 _"Ooooh, catchy! Alright, from now on, I'm Joey Spindle!"_ The newly dubbed spider said.

Alice giggled a little at the inherent goofiness of the full name.

"I'll call you Spindle for short, kay?" She said good naturedly, which caused Spider-Thing, or rather, Spindle, to nod.

_"Fine with me! Makes me sound more like a cool deity anyway!"_

Deb grinned, nudging Alice.

"You talkin' to your space spider friend?" She joked, chuckling. 

Alice sheepishly grinned.

"Yeah....I keep forgetting you guys can't hear them. Sorry if it gets a bit weird."

Deb shrugged.

"Listen, they kept me from being a shitty zombie thing stuck puking blue goop and singing Mamma Mia songs on repeat. They're cool in my book."

Spindle gave a satisfied little click, before crawling up Alice's neck and perching on her head, resting gently.

 _"I'm gonna nap...."_ They said, _"Pulling in someone to the Soul Web while bonded to someone else is tiring...."_

As Spindle took a rest, Alice looked around, taking in their new shelter.

It was rather nice, all things considered. The walls were decorated with some sparse photos, newspaper clippings, and a few degrees, mostly in biology and other related fields.

The furniture was pretty standard, a few wooden chairs and tables, and something decently sized and rectangular in the corner covered with a tarp. However, the main eye-grabber was the drips of blue on the floor, trailing down to a door that Hidgens had hurried into, leading to a stairwell.

Hidgens poked his head out of the doorway, snapping to attention.

"Ah, I almost forgot! Alexa!" He said, as an Echo Dot blinked alight, "Turn on the defenses!"

Inexplicably, Alice heard the crackle of an electric fence turning on and a door locking.

"Wait, did you hook an Alexa to that?" Ethan asked, amazed, "How did you even....?"

Hidgens waved his hand dismissively.

"Questions for later! Hurry to my lab, I have to run some tests on that girl you have there! My previous subjects are....damaged, to put it one way. Also, could you render her unconscious once more? It would help a lot!" Hidgens said, as Deb nonchalantly shrugged and grabbed the trash can lid as Ethan held Not-Lex out, closing his eyes and turning away. Hannah hid her face in her hands to avoid the ghastly sight, with Alice holding her to her chest in an attempt to comfort her.

Not-Lex's eyes widened and she let out a muffled musical scream as the lid came down on her head hard once more, sending her spiralling into unconsciousness.

Deb winced.

"Ugh, I think I'm gonna break her skull if this keeps up...."

Not-Lex was already leaking a bit of blue from a fair gash on her head, but the previous wounds seemed to be closing up.

"Don't worry, the blue shit makes some physiological changes that grant mild regenerative properties. Mostly by improving the usual human body by upping the processing power, if you will. She'll be fine, just a bit sore." Hidgens explained, walking over and grabbing Not-Lex from Ethan, hoisting her over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes and sauntering down to the basement, beckoning for the others to follow.

"Come on, Emma and Ted are waiting!" He said, causing Paul and Bill to hurry, dragging the others along, with Alice now holding Hannah's hand.

"Hey, it's gonna be alright..." Alice reassured the little girl, brushing some hair out of her face for her, "We're gonna cure Lex, okay?"

Ethan looked over, seeing Alice with Hannah, and gave a silent nod of thanks as he and Deb went ahead with Paul and Bill.

Hannah nodded.

"Webby says so too." She responded, giving a faint smile, "Also.....I think Spindle is a pretty name."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this chapter is kinda short, but I just got struck with inspiration and raced to write something down, so this is the result. Anyway, this fic isn't dead! I've just been doing a lot of Danganronpa fic and quarantine stuff, so I've been busy. But, I do promise I'll be continuing this! 
> 
> Also, Spider-Thing has a name now! Joey Spindle! I was originally gonna use Joey after Joey Richter (doubly funny if you remember Joey did the Bug puppet in Starship, and yes, Spindle would be a puppet like the Bugs if used in the show), but I saw someone suggest Spindle and it was REALLY good, so I just did both! Spindle is the main one I'll use in narration though, in case you're wondering!


End file.
